Hey, everyone! I’m baaaack. I know it’s been a while since I’ve written, but I had the coolest thing happen to me—I got married to my best friend! If you’ve been reading my blog since the beginning, you’ve seen Jon go from boyfriend, fiancé, to husband, and I just think that’s the coolest. I have been married for about a week and a half and have taken longer to get a blog post out than I initially said (whoops, forgive me?). Life has just been a beautiful whirlwind recently and I’m still a little caught in it. From the wedding to visiting out-of-town family to the honeymoon to figuring out how all my clothes are going to fit in the closet… this is truly the weirdest but most precious time of my life so far.
Getting married means that I had to move out of my parents’ home for the first time. I stayed at home through college and never had that feeling of being less than 25 feet away from my mom and dad in times of crisis. I always missed Jon, though. Every moment we were engaged (and honestly, even before that) I was counting down the days to fall asleep next to him and wake up with his cute face by my side. I am living an absolute dream, but I forgot about one thing: feeling homesick.
I don’t think a lot of people talk about this because many people are living on their own before they get married. And if they aren’t, many are itching to get out of their home. As much as I was ready to start my life with Jon, I was so desperately sad to leave home. I have been blessed with an amazing, tight-knit family who spends every evening laughing together in the living room. Now I’m only supposed to see them a few times a week!? As the wedding grew closer, I had to start to push those feelings aside and simply focus on the joy of marrying Jonathan.
And then only a few days ago, it came crashing down. We were back from our honeymoon and had settled down for a few days and I suddenly started to sob. We had already said goodnight to each other, and I was exhausted—but I randomly couldn’t stop crying. It had hit me that my sister wasn’t on the other side of the wall, that my parents weren’t down the hall, and that they wouldn’t be ever again. No matter how much I tried to tell myself it was okay, the crocodile tears wouldn’t stop rolling. Not until Jon grabbed my childhood stuffed animals, hugged me as tightly as he could, and continuously said words of encouragement. I was just so shocked at how out-of-the-blue the sadness came, and I think he was too.
We had been married for an entire week. Why was this happening now? I felt horrible. I didn’t want him to think that I wasn’t happy because I am beyond the word “happy,” but I couldn’t help but feel like a tiny part of me was still back at my parents’ house. I had no idea it would wash over me so severely after we got married. I figured the bliss would smother it. But believe it or not, being married doesn’t change anything besides your surroundings. I thought I would feel like a completely different person—Brianna Stryker. Me, but an upgraded version or something. But I am still me. The same feelings, the same emotions. I don’t feel radically changed in any way, just more peaceful and happier.
When life changes, you’re going to feel “homesick.” You’re going to miss the friends you left at college, you’re going to miss your old coworkers, you’re going to miss your childhood home and that’s okay. Problems within yourself and emotions you are feeling won’t change simply because your surroundings do. It’s something I’m sure I have said to someone before… but now that I have finally experienced it, I truly know how accurate it is.
Let yourself feel homesick for a little bit. Remember that you’re still you—even though life looks different. You still enjoy the same thing on your pizza, you still have that favorite sweater, and you still cry at the same scene in the same movie. When life changes you, don’t forget who you are. Allow yourself to feel the hurt for a minute and then step back and look at how beautiful your life has become. I have the most loving and caring husband on the planet who greets me every day with words of kindness. I still have my family and they are only (thankfully) a speedy 15-minute drive away. Change is freaking scary. But it’s a lot easier when you remember that you’re the same—just with a few upgrades.